Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's get the cat blown out
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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