i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
