ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just gargled with NyQuil
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
