just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
