Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
