I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
