Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize