Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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