i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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