I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
