Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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