1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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