wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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