There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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