Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
