I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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