I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
