clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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