I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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