This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
