I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
