I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
