Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
