the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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