There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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