Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
