She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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