i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
