Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
