when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
