I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize