I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
