chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
