thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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