no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My life is pants optional.
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