So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
