Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
