She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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