tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
