sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
