i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
