I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
