He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
