In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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