Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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