haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
