So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
