it wasn't lemon gatorade
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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