gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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