He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
