Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
