Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
