i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
