dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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