is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Enjoy the penises
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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