Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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