Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
