Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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