Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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