if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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