nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
