this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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