So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
