I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
