so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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