Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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