she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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