So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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