my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
