There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
