I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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