what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
