Just cropdusted the office
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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