Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
