god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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