dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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