i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
