Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
