I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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