WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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