I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
