That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
