the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
NoShamevember. You game?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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