I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
