every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
