yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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