As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
