butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize