Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
