her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How external is "for external use only"?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
