Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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