YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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