OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
sex in a hospital.. check
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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