my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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