So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
