i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize