He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
