the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
