do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The Olympian is in my bed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
