I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
