i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
