I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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