: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
