I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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