and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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