I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
